The Seed of Financial Fear

I’ve had an abundant life through childhood, teens and early adulthood.  It’s been a pretty smooth ride yet there has been a consistent theme of a sense of ‘financial lack’.  I was raised among adult siblings and topical conversations on money, bankruptcy, investments, associated stressors and familial/social comparisons.  This is probably an unceremonious ritual among many working class families.    

My husband will attest to the fact that the financial category is an area that I steer away from.  Subconsciously money has felt like ‘dirty business’ for so long and I gave it a pitiful amount of respect.  No sooner than I had become a financial self subsisting adult, I married a person proficient in managing our joint finances and expenses etc which allowed me to feel exempt from this important engagement in life.  The downside is that my relationship with money embedded itself as a shadow issue, I was completely ignorant to how this was playing out in my life. Here are the issues that my next best investment has shined a light on:

  • A lack of vision for most important investments (incidentals and big expenses)

  • Feeling of fear when unexpected expenses arise

  • Unrealistic and uncertain about financial capacity

  • Unplanned and erratic spending on holistic health to remedy my digestive issues synonymous with overwhelm and stress

  • Feeling guilty and conflicted by my holistic health expenses and values for good health

  • Holding back on important investments due to fear

  • Emotional reactivity in conversation or planning around money

  • Scared to strategically spend money on my personal growth and wellness

I am sure the list could go on and perhaps you could add some too!

It’s a work in progress but I have grown in leaps and bounds towards ditching unhelpful concepts around money.  This has been key to following ‘dharma’, my purpose in this one special life.

So what was the turn around point?

After many years of investing my time and energy in pursuing a self and family health journey, I realised that there was an excess of focus in this direction and an add hoc approach which was leading to suffering in my relationship with time, people and yep….money!.  

I got clear on what my values are and identified the integrity gaps in how I wanted to show up in life and role model to my children.  I needed to counterbalance the ‘busyness’ and stress generated from my health journey! Wow, who would’ve guessed that being focused on your own health can be like shooting yourself in the foot!   Of Course it’s a bit of a catch 22, how can you not have good health and still move forward to your true potential in life?

 I followed the lead of the most successful investor in the world, Warren Buffet who says “The best investment you can make is in yourself”.  I invested in health coaching and found structure, accountability, mentors and peers which accelerated my growth and level of thrive.  This journey highlighted the root cause of money issues as a vision problem.  Furthermore, I embarked on health coaching training and established my own systems and resources to share my health journey with others.  

It’s not been an easy ride juggling study, family, career and shadow issues, yet I have found a confidence which enables me to do the work daily, weekly and yearly to make back my original investment in health coaching expenses.  I am fortunate to be building my dream life in integrity as a connected mother, part-time nurse, part-time health coach and yoga teacher and lifelong learner!

I get to support and guide others into clarifying their values and engaging in ancient wisdom and modern science to learn the mechanics of habit change and overcome patterns and beliefs which keep you stuck in a dance of shadow issues or simply fear of being great.  Habit evolution is sacred to me as it turned my health journey from scattered, managed chaos into an easeful, integrated and productive life! 

A work in progress, I feel more grounded and stable in my relationship with money and I’m rewarded with a more productive, streamlined schedule and health regimen with cost cutting benefits.  I can experience a sense of freedom, energy and joy associated with spending and receiving money.

I had a long road of learning that health information and knowledge does not lead to transformation and in my instance contributed to stress, overwhelm and counter intuitively shot a hole through my immune system!  

If you’re experiencing trepidation in investing in your health and personal growth this is simply just a pattern from previous life struggles or rejections that keep you from believing in yourself, go out there and grab hold of your dharma!